My wife enjoys buying picture frames in antique stores.
She has a keen sense of observation and an even more deep awareness of how picture frames can enhance the things that we hang on the walls in our home. She, also, leaves many picture frames hanging on the walls in antique stores because she does not like the frame, or because she decides that a particular frame will not enhance our home décor.
Do you realize that you frame things every day?
You frame everything that happens in your life, and then you decide whether what has happened is good or bad, beneficial or harmful. We all think about life in certain ways because of our past experiences, because of our personality, because of the ways that we’ve learned to interact with others, and because we want to continue to be a part of groups that are important to us.
But the challenge is that how we frame things affects the ways we interpret almost everything that happens in our lives.
Think about a story from the life of Jesus. Jesus taught and healed people in the opening of Mark’s Gospel. Jesus preached in Galilee, cleansed a leper, healed a person who was paralyzed, calmed a storm, and even raised a little girl from the dead. And Jesus tried to do the same thing in Nazareth – his own hometown. But then framing became a challenge. We read that people were astonished by Jesus’ teaching (Mark 6:2), and people were amazed by the incredible things that Jesus was doing. But all of a sudden, people began to put a different frame around what was happening. “Is not this the town carpenter?” (Mark 6:3) “Isn’t this the son of Mary, and a man whose own brothers and sisters are still living in town?” (Mark 6:3) And, suddenly, people who were astonished by what Jesus was doing became offended because of the way they framed things. In fact, Jesus even says to them, “A prophet is not without honor, except in his hometown and among his relatives and in his own household.” (Mark 6:4) And it is all because of framing. The ways that we interpret what happens in our lives are always shaped by our past experiences. And, when we put a nice frame around the things that are happening to us, all is well. But when put an ugly frame around things, we can be drawn into conflicts, disagreements, and broken relationships.
The way you frame what happens in your life is often far more important than what has actually happened.
You are far more likely to be drawn into conflict with people when you wrap things that happen in an ugly frame. You are far more likely to close your ears to the thoughts and opinions of people who disagree with you when you frame everything with an “us” versus “them” mentality. The frames that we put around the actions of other people can be shaped by our biases about the color of a person’s skin, the language that a person speaks, the religion that a person embraces, or even the place of a person’s birth. Ugly frames can be created by political differences, by different visions of the future, by a fear of the unknown, and even by the always-shifting sands of time that bring unwanted change.
But framing can also help us to live our lives in a better way.
We can try to remember that most people are trying to do their best in life even during times of conflict. We can try to unravel the “us” versus “them” type of thinking that is so prevalent these days and try to listen more carefully to the ideas and opinions of others. We can try to remember that people who have a different skin color, who speak another language, who embrace a different religion, or who were born in another county have experiences in life that we do not fully understand. We can try, as the 16th Century Protestant reformer, Martin Luther, suggested, to put better-looking frames around the things people do by trying to interpret their actions in the best possible way.
And so, I would like to challenge you to think about framing this week.
What kind of frames are you putting around things that happen in your life? How are the frames you put around things affecting your relationships? How are the frames that you put around large groups of people interfering with your ability to see that we have been created by a God who tells us that we all have both dignity and worth? How can the frames that you put around the things that create conflict in your life be changed, so that times of conflict can lead to deeper levels of understanding and appreciation for people who do not always agree with you?
We are traveling through an uncomfortable time right now.
We are in the ninth month of our struggle to make sense of the coronavirus and we are both weary and frazzled. 2020 has been punctuated by groups of people who are protesting in our streets and who are even protesting around State capital buildings and entering the legislative chambers with guns. 2020’s election cycle was a difficult one that separated friends and even family members into enemy camps. Many people have lost their jobs and are facing the possibility of losing their homes. Restaurant and other business owners are watching their hopes and dreams evaporate before their eyes. Major issues like racism and immigration, that have not been addressed in helpful ways for many years, are on the table and need to be discussed as we enter 2021. And now, we are being told that we should set aside our plans to celebrate the Holidays and continue to wear masks in public places.
Many people are angry these days. We hear frightening stories about people being thrown to the ground and having limbs broken because they asked another person to wear a mask. I hear automobile horns blowing every time I fail to stomp on the accelerator as soon as the traffic light turns green. I watched a bus driver blow the horn of the bus, pound on the steering wheel and scream at the driver of a hearse who would not allow the bus to enter a funeral procession last week. People are giving each other “the finger.” Little disagreements are turning into relationship-changing arguments. We have stopped even trying to interpret the actions of other people in the best possible way as we are told to do in the Ten Commandments. Many of us are angry, but the challenge I see is that many of us are walking around stomping-mad these days unable to even identify what is really making us mad.
The Bible teaches us that naming things is important.
Most parents talk for many months about what they are going to name their baby when it is born. Think about what happens when somebody in a group calls out your name. Do you turn to see who is trying to get your attention? The name of God was lost in the Jewish tradition because God’s name was never spoken because the Jewish leaders believed that, when you named something, you were able to capture its very nature and its essence. The writers of the Bible named gods like Baal and Beelzebub, but we don’t know how to properly pronounce God’s name in modern times; because, for thousands of years, the Jewish leaders simply said or sang, “G-d” or “the Lord” when they came to the name of God while reading scripture.
Why is unnamed anger dangerous?
We, sometimes, do unusual things when we don’t take the time to clearly identify things that are making us angry. Think about a person who is frustrated at work coming home and kicking the dog. Think about a person who becomes unemployed because of an unseen virus suddenly becoming their own worst critic. Think about someone who cannot pay the bills and make ends meet no matter how many hours he/she works honking his/her automobile’s horn the instant a traffic light turns green. Have you been drinking more alcohol in the last few months? Have you ended relationships with other people because of arguments that got out of control? Have you become more critical of other people and allowed little things to become bigger than they need to be? Do you find yourself talking about other people behind their backs? Have you been screaming at people and even pounding on the steering wheel inside your vehicle? How many people have you “unfriended” because you disagree with what they post on social media? Are the muscles in your neck and shoulders tight? Are you having trouble sleeping because you cannot stop thinking? Our unnamed anger reveals itself in different ways; and, when we do not understand that, we sometimes find ourselves doing things that we cannot rationally explain.
How can naming our anger give us power over it?
Imagine how your life could change if you simply stopped and realized that you are angry because of continuing struggles at work and that your anger has absolutely nothing to do with the little dog, with a wagging tail, that jumps on you because it’s excited to see you. Imagine how your life could be different if you admitted that you are angry because you can’t make ends meet, no matter how many hours you spend at work, instead of honking the horn on your automobile at someone that you don’t even know. Imagine how your life would improve if, instead of allowing little things to become big things that can destroy relationships with other people, you admitted that you are angry because your life is being changed by a virus that you can’t even see? Are you angry because you are being asked to wear a mask in public, or are you angry about something else? Are you pounding on the steering wheel of your car because you are angry at an elderly person who crosses the street too slowly, or is something else lighting your fire? I believe that one of the most important things we can do, right now, is simply stop and identify what is making us angry and frustrated; because, until we take the time to stop and do that, we will continue to vent and release our wrath upon people who have little to do with what is driving the anger and frustration that’s inside of us.
It is, also, helpful to listen to other people when they name their anger, too.
We need to listen to others in challenging times; because, when we allow others to name their anger, we can understand their actions and behavior in a different way. We need to listen to people who are naming their anger when they speak, and who are expressing their anger when they protest after a routine traffic stop turns into an unnecessary, deadly encounter because people have different skin colors. We need to listen to people who are finding it increasingly difficult to simply survive and who are afraid that our country is moving in a direction that could make their lives even more difficult. We need to listen to the anger that people are expressing because they have lost their jobs and because they are afraid that they are going to lose everything that they have saved – including their homes. We need to listen to the anger of people who are financially struggling, today, because they cannot afford to live and pay off their student loans at the same time. We need to listen to people who are angry because they need to choose between buying medicines that they need, and food or fuel to heat their homes. We need to listen to people who are angry because they’re afraid that they will be driven into bankruptcy if they get sick and need to go to a hospital – because they do not have health insurance. We need to listen to people who are angry because they can’t wear a mask in public because of health challenges and who are frustrated because people continue to criticize their behavior because it has become nearly impossible to separate people who are not wearing masks because of health challenges from people who refuse to wear a mask for other reasons.
I want to challenge you to take some time to identify and to name your anger as we travel through these challenging times and as we try to better understand why we are doing what we are doing.
We have power over things that are happening in our lives when we name them. We are far less likely to direct unnamed anger at other people when we take time to think about the things that are driving our anger and that are influencing the ways that we act. Unnamed anger can be a destructive menace in our lives that can turn us into stirred-up bulls thrashing around in a china shop. Unnamed anger is not good for our families and our relationships. Unnamed anger is not good for our country, for our churches, or for our world. But, when we name our anger, we can gain control of it, and understand ourselves and other people in new ways. And, when we find ourselves doing that, we will discover that we are traveling on a helpful and healthy path into the future.
I began this series of posts about conflict by stating that none of us can avoid conflict in our lives and in our relationships with other people. We are like porcupines who can travel through life without much angst and confusion when we’re left to ourselves; but, when we begin to interact with other porcupines, we need to realize that there are going to be times when we are stuck by the quills of others and when we are going to stick a few people ourselves. This is a natural part of human relationships and there is not much that we can do about it. However, we have many options and opportunities during times of conflict with others. And so, as I bring this series of posts to an end, I would like to summarize some of the things that we have explored together:
First, in times of conflict, we need to remember the Eighth Commandment, and we need to be able to separate what happened from our interpretation of what happened. Some of the conflicts in our lives are created by the things that other people do and some of the conflicts in our lives are caused by our interpretations of things that other people do. Perhaps the tension and stress in our lives would begin to decrease if we learned to separate what has happened in our lives from our interpretation of what has happened? Perhaps we can find a sense of peace and calm in our lives, even when we are feeling weary and frazzled, by stepping back and by trying to interpret the actions of others in a more kind and gentle way?
Second, in times of conflict, we are all going to need to choose a path forward after we have carefully reflected upon what happened and have tried to interpret the actions of other people in the kindest way. Can we accept the fact that porcupines cannot avoid sticking each other with their quills? How do we decide if our strained relationship can be mended, or if the fine china plate has been so severely damaged that it can no longer be repaired? There are three different kinds of conflict: (1) there are conflicts that arise simply because porcupines cannot help but stick each other once in a while, (2) there are conflicts where the relationship has suffered some damage, but can be repaired, and (3) there are conflicts where the relationship has been so severely damaged that there is no longer a road back. Which type of situation are you facing in this time of conflict? How is your understanding of what has happened going to shape your End Game? Your End Game is, ultimately, your choice.
Third, in times of conflict, we can return to the teachings of Jesus for guidance. The person who has hurt you may want to apologize to you if you simply talk to him/her one-on-one. If that does not work, you may want to take one or two level-headed and fair-minded people along with you the next time you talk. Please remember that this is not about finding allies and Triangulation. This is about level-headed and fair-minded people being asked to help to keep the discussion on track as a path toward resolution is sought. If that does not work, you may need to get other people involved. If you are a part of a church, synagogue, mosque or temple, you can probably rely upon some sort of governing board. If you have experienced sexual abuse within the Church, you may want to contact the Bishop, another leader and the police. You have the right to be heard and to be taken seriously, but moving conflict to higher and higher levels of hurt, distrust and embarrassment may not be necessary. Remember: The goal of Jesus’ teaching about how to handle conflict is to help you to regain your brother or sister. Dragging more and more people into the middle of a conflict may not be the most fruitful approach.
And fourth, in times of conflict, you need to clearly ask yourself if you are being physically or emotionally abused. You are precious and valuable. God smiled on the day when you were born and God is cheering for you, right now. You are a good person who deserves to live a good life. God created you to have good relationships with people who love you; but, maybe because of what is happening in your life right now, you have begun to doubt that. Abuse changes people’s lives and abuse changes how people think. If you think that you somehow deserve what is happening to you, I want to assure you that that is not true. If you are confused and doubting yourself, I want to remind you that God has given you a wonderful mind and the ability to think. If you are feeling both alone and isolated, please remember that there are still people who care about you and who want you to have a good life. If you are feeling trapped right now and believe that you don’t have any options, I want you to know that there are people in your community who are more than willing to help you to escape what’s happening and who are willing to help you to get back on your feet and move in a better direction. And, if you have been told by a religious leader that it is your duty to submit to the person who is abusing you, I want you to know that you have been told a lie. You are precious and valuable, and there is no kind of relationship in your life that is so important for you to maintain that you need to jeopardize your physical or emotional health – or even your own life.
I hope that this series of posts has helped you to think about conflicts that you have, or may have, with other people. Please remember that conflict is an unavoidable part of human relationships; however, conflicts come in many different shapes and sizes. Some conflicts can be resolved with a simple apology, but other conflicts can create enough damage in a relationship that there is no longer a way back. Please choose your End Game wisely and remember to pray as you are trying to decide what to do. Jesus has promised to be with us in times of conflict, and Jesus will surely point you in the right direction when you ask for His help.
We have been discussing ways to journey through times of unavoidable conflict in the last three parts of this series. We have talked about the fact that people are a lot like porcupines. We can usually sail through life pretty smoothly on our own; but, once we begin to interact with other people, we cannot help but stick other people with our quills once in a while, or be stuck by the quills of other people. We talked about the fact that, during times of conflict, we need to be able to separate what happened from our interpretation of what happened; and we talked about the fact that, at some point, we all need to assess the damage that’s been caused by the conflict. And then, in the third part of this series, we talked about a method of conflict resolution that Jesus provides for those who follow Him. And, if you recall, each step of this process involves trying to regain your brother or sister. Think about the fact that, when Jesus was asked how to pray, He included these words: “And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Many conflicts can be resolved if we’re simply willing to accept the fact that other people are no more perfect than we are and that most people are not trying to intentionally hurt and offend others any more than we are.
But it is not always that easy, is it?
We have talked about the fact that our relationships can be like pieces of fine china. A piece of fine china that has been dropped on the floor might be able to be glued back together. However, pieces of fine china that have been dropped on the floor may not be able to be glued together. Sometimes, quite sadly, our relationships with other people need to end; and this is most certainly true when some sort of physical or emotional abuse is occurring.
Abuse can be very confusing. People who are abused sometimes think that they are causing the person who is abusing them to hurt them. Abusive people often use something called “gaslighting” to confuse the people that they are hurting and to make their victims doubt their own sound reasoning. People who are abused often believe that there is nothing they can do to escape the horrible situation that they are facing because they cannot imagine what it would we like to leave. A lack of money can cause someone who is being abused to put up with what is happening. The lack of a place to live can be problematic. Uncertainty about the future of little children can create great angst. And, of course, many people who are being abused believe that the person who is abusing them will simply track them down and terrorize them if they decide to leave. The reasons to stay are many and the way to leave may not be clear. People who are being abused sometimes do not know what to do.
Let me remind you that you are precious and valuable. God smiled on the day when you were born and God is cheering for you, right now. You are a good person who deserves to live a good life. God created you to have good relationships with people who love you; but, maybe because of what is happening in your life right now, you have begun to doubt that. Abuse changes people’s lives and abuse changes how people think. If you think that you somehow deserve what is happening to you, I want to assure you that that is not true. If you are confused and doubting yourself, I want to remind you that God has given you a wonderful mind and the ability to think. If you are feeling both alone and isolated, please remember that there are still people who care about you and who want you to have a good life. If you are feeling trapped right now and believe that you don’t have any options, I want you to know that there are people in your community who are more than willing to help you to escape what’s happening and who are willing to help you to get back on your feet and move in a better direction.
Many people inside the Church have been told that they need to continue to make the best of horrible situations. I once heard about a pastor who told an abused woman that it was her Godly duty to continue submitting to her husband. Many Christians continue to remain in horrible situations because they can remember the day when they stood before God and said: “Until death do us part.” Many people continue to look at a divorce as a personal failure. And the Church has not helped. The Church continues to tell women to submit to their husbands and to keep their mouths shut. The Church continues to tell people who are divorced that they are not welcome to receive the Sacrament of Holy Communion. The Church continues to proclaim that every relationship can be mended by forgiveness. The Church continues to tell people who have been sexually abused by members of the clergy that the problem is being fixed; and yet, the Church continues to protect members of the clergy who are named as perpetrators of sexual abuse by keeping files that contain important information sealed and by offering solutions to the problem that are far from clear. If you have been told that you need to continue to endure abuse, you have been told a lie. God weeps with you when you cry, and Jesus feels the pain every time someone hits you. God created you to live in a relationship where you are respected and loved. God understands that you may need to walk away from a relationship because of the physical or emotional abuse. God understands that you are lonely, and God will send people to support you. And guess what? No matter what you have heard from a pastor, priest, rabbi or imam, I want you to hear, right now, that God understands that a divorce is better than death.
And so, what are some things that you can do if you are caught in an abusive relationship?
First, let someone that you trust know about what is happening. People who are being abused often feel isolated and alone. Abusers often try to isolate people that they are hurting to protect themselves and to limit the options that are available to the people that they are abusing. You may be feeling totally cut off from your family and friends. You may believe that people are not going to believe you. You may have already tried to reach out to someone that you know. Many people that you know are afraid to get involved in situations that involve physical or emotional abuse. Many people that you know find it hard to accept the fact that people who are prominent and beloved leaders in their community are abusive behind closed doors. Isolation is scary and it is sometimes difficult to admit you are being abused to another person. But please remember that God does not want you to be alone. In the very Beginning, God saw that it is not good for any of us to be alone as we journey through life. Is there someone that you can talk with about what is happening in your life? Make a list of possibilities and promise yourself that you are going to talk with one of the people on your list as soon as you have the chance to do it.
Second, it is probably a good idea to explore what resources are available to you. You may want to do some exploring yourself, or you may want to ask someone who knows what is happening in your life to give you some help. Many communities have shelters where women and men who are being abused can land if they decide that they need to get away. Many of those very same shelters can help people who are being abused pursue legal actions that can result in protection from abuse orders. Some of those same shelters offer free counseling services. Some shelters even help people who have been abused to settle into a new home and start anew. You may, or may not, want to do this research yourself. Many shelters offer toll-free telephone lines, but the telephone number remains visible in your cellphone’s call history. Please remember to clear your web browser’s history if you search for help on the Internet. Many abusers want to control the people that they are hurting, and spend time searching through telephone and web browser histories. Please be careful. Help is available, but you may need some assistance to find it.
Third, you may want to think about what you will do when you decide that you want to get away. Are you going to need the assistance of another person (i.e. do you have access to a car, etc.)? Where are you going to go and how are you going to get to that place? Is there anything that you need to take with you? What are you going to do if there are children in the household? At this point, these questions may be very overwhelming. Please remember that it is OK for you to feel overwhelmed at this point. But please remember that, if you decide to leave, you are going to need to have a place to go. Your trusted friend(s) may be able to help you. Many pastors, priests, rabbis, imams and counselors can help to point you in the right direction. You are not alone, but how and when you are going to leave is, ultimately, your own choice.
Lastly, if you decide you need to get away, please remember that you are going to hear many apologies and many promises from the person who has been abusing you. How many times have you already heard, “I’m sorry”? How many times have you been told that what happened to you is never going to happen again? People who are abusing others make many promises and offer many apologies, but their patterns of behavior seldom change. One of the best things that you can do is turn your cellphone off, so that you’re not tempted to answer telephone calls, respond to text messages and emails, or even respond to messages posted on social media. One of the things that you are going to need, if you decide to get away from the person who is abusing you, is some time to think. You will probably be numb and confused. You might be afraid of what is going to happen to you. Your head will probably be spinning. But I promise you that your mind will settle and you will find that you are able to think more clearly when you have some time and space. Lean on the people that you trust. Take advantage of free counseling or legal help that is being offered. And remember that you are both precious and valuable, and that you deserve to be surrounded and to be supported by people who care about you.
Conflict is something that none of us can avoid. But please remember that there is a difference between conflict and abuse. Times of conflict can be addressed and ended by using some of the principles that I have offered in my previous posts, but physical and emotional abuse are different. You cannot reason with someone who is continuing to abuse you. You cannot trust that the person who is abusing you is going to change after a heart-felt apology. We all deserve to feel safe; and, while times of conflict can be filled with both angst and discomfort, physical and emotional abuse cannot be explained away and ignored. If you are being abused today, you need to get away from your abuser, so that you have time to think and to clearly look toward the future. I, of course, cannot tell you what you need to do after you have gotten away from the person who is abusing you. The decisions that you are going to make are your own. But what I can do is offer you some insights and ideas that may help to save your life.
Conflict is something that has always been hard to handle.
Almost all of us are both tired and frazzled these days. The coronavirus has dramatically shaped our lives and our ability to interact with others, and the political atmosphere in our nation has deteriorated to the point where we’re being asked to take a side and to define everyone on the other side as our enemies. Many people are facing unemployment and are finding that their best path forward is not clear. Other folks have taken to the streets and have joined in peaceful protests, while others are looting businesses and burning buildings. History indicates that, in times of upheaval and uncertainty, caregivers and other people on the front lines begin to hit walls about six months after a disruption or disaster occurs, and that caregivers often respond to the burnout that they are experiencing by pulling back, by quitting their jobs, or by simply choosing to plod forward silently in the gray funk for another day. I read a story, just last week, about a 70-year-old man being dragged through a store by his hair and being thrown to the floor, where he was punched and kicked many times, because he asked another customer in the store to wear a mask.
Conflict is something that has always been hard to handle.
We tend to withdraw and to hunker down when conflict is swirling around us. We have the tendency to believe that we are totally right and other people are totally wrong. I suspect that we all find it easier to talk to our friends and family members about things that are going wrong in our lives than to talk directly with people who have stepped on our toes. Some people simply become silent during times of conflict, especially in times like these, because they just do not have the energy to walk a different path.
I am going to be exploring the issue of conflict in my next few posts because I believe that the teachings and principles of our faith are important in times like these. And I am going to start this series of posts by exploring the Eighth Commandment because I believe that the Eighth Commandment can help to unravel many of the conflicts in our lives long before we get to the point where hurts and disagreements become more difficult to handle.
“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.”
Have you ever considered the fact that it is easy to bear false witness in times of conflict? Most of us want to believe that we are right in times of conflict and that other people are simply wrong. Many of us hunker down during times of conflict and withdraw from people who hurt or disappointed us because our first instinct is to believe that those who hurt and disappointment us are enemies. But one of the lessons I’ve learn in life is that, in one way or another, I interpret everything that happens to me; and sooner (rather than later) my interpretation of what actually happened becomes even more important to me than what happened itself. This can create a challenge.
How I feel about what happened can become more important to me than what actually happened.
Read those words carefully once again; and then, think about how your understanding of the Eighth Commandment can shape your thinking in times of conflict. Our interpretation of what happened may be true, or our interpretation may be false. The man who blows the horn on his automobile as soon as the stoplight turns green may be acting like a jerk, or he may be in a hurry to get to a hospital emergency room before his mother dies. And so, when we’re trying to make sense of things that happen to us, we need to step back for a moment and allow our interpretation of what happened to soften.
I still believe that most people are trying their hardest to do their best these days and that most people are not intentionally trying to make the lives of other people more difficult. But relationships can easily become strained when we are tired and frazzled. Little things can become big things and big things can become monstrous things. We tend to magnify things that happen when we are weary and exhausted; and, when we do that, we need to be careful that we do not break the Eighth Commandment.
Martin Luther, the 16th-Century Protestant reformer, offers some sage advice to us in his explanation of the Eighth Commandment in his Small Catechism (1529). Martin Luther wrote that parents should teach their children that the Eighth Commandment means: “We should fear and love God so that we do not tell lies about our neighbor, betray him, slander him, or hurt his reputation, but defend him, speak well of him, and explain everything in the kindest way.”
What would times of conflict in your life look like if you stepped back and intentionally tried to interpret the actions of people who step on your toes in the kindest way possible? What would happen if you installed an “Eighth Commandment Firewall” in your mind; so that, long before you start to interpret the actions of others, you remembered to be both charitable and kind?
Perhaps the tension and stress in our lives would begin to decrease if we learned to separate what is happening in our lives from our feelings about what is happening in our lives? Perhaps even the weary and frazzled could find a sense of peace by stepping back and by trying to interpret the actions of other people in a more kind and gentle way? And today, I want to lift those thoughts up as the first step forward in times of conflict. What happened and our interpretation of and our feelings about what happened may be different; and, when we keep that in mind, many conflicts in our lives can be unraveled before they grow and become unmanageable.
I have noticed (in my 32 years as a pastor) that many Christians either don’t know much about the Bible or that they feel overwhelmed when they try to apply what the Bible says to daily living. Sunday School teachers are doing their best to help children learn stories in the Bible; but, sometimes, the Sunday School curriculum that they use is built around so many unfamiliar stories that children remember only a few of them. We live in a time when more and more parents depend upon the Church to teach their children about God (while they, perhaps, go out for Sunday brunch?), and when other parents do not teach their children much about God or the Bible at all. And even some churches have shifted away from teaching basic stories from the Bible and have started teaching little children about compassion, kindness, gentleness and love – wonderful values and principles that are, sometimes, much too nebulous for little children to embrace and understand.
And I’ve asked myself, many times: “What is something that I could do to change that?”
I began to wonder if adults would find it far less intimidating to talk with their children about God if they were better equipped? What would happen, for example, if I created a list of 52 stories from the life of Jesus and asked people to focus on one story each week? Would adults take a few minutes at the end of each day to teach children a story from the Bible if I provided some easy-to-use tools? Would adults be willing to take a few minutes at the end of the day to read a story from the Bible and to talk with their children about it if I provided a few questions to get the conversation going? What about adults? Could an adult be encouraged to read stories from the Bible a few moments each day and to reflect upon questions that can help them to build a bridge between the stories in the Bible and daily living? What would it look like if I created a list of 52 stories from the life of Jesus to read during one year; and then, created a list of 52 well-known stories from the Bible to read throughout the course of another year? It seemed to be a win-win for everybody! Adults would be equipped. Adults could be encouraged to read the Bible and pray with their children. And the children, of course, would benefit from spending some time each day with their parent(s) or another adult(s) learning about God and building life-giving faith-links to the Bible that they could carry with them for the rest of their lives.
FaithBuilders is a ministry that’s been created to help you to build a bridge between where you are right now and where God wants to take you tomorrow. And, the best part about is that it’s easy, convenient, and life-changing! And, guess what? FaithBuilders can all be found right here on this blog! Just click the menu option above.
Why not visit FaithBuilders today? There is no better moment than right now to begin to explore the Bible in a new way, and there’s no better moment than right now to begin to introduce children to stories from the Bible that they can carry with them for the rest of their lives.
I had the chance to gather in an online meeting with nearly thirty spiritual leaders that represented five different faith traditions this morning.
We, most certainly, had different ideas about God and spirituality. Imagine Jewish rabbis talking about how they celebrated Passover with Islamic leaders who are getting ready for Ramadan. Imagine Christians talking about Holy Week and Easter with a Buddhist. Imagine a Mormon speaking about the new temple that is being built in our local area while spiritual leaders from different faith traditions listened to her and shared in her excitement. It was an incredible experience!
People of all faith traditions are moving through challenging and unusual times.
Our shared humanity is something that reminds us that we’re vulnerable. It’s scary to think about the fact that, any time you leave your home, you are opening yourself up to the possibility of being infected by a deadly virus. Many people, who were wishing that their lives could slow down for a while, have too much time on their hands. Some people have even begun to openly rebel against social distancing and are protesting on the steps of capital buildings across America. And then, there are those who are grieving because they’ve lost people that they dearly loved in the last few weeks. There are students who were preparing for their high school or college graduation, but who are now mourning the fact that they will never see some of their friends again. Stress and tension are high. Some people are continuing to search for ways to be kind to others while others have a fuse that’s growing shorter every day.
Spiritual leaders, even across faith traditions, agree that isolation has some benefits.
Many of us are trapped in busy routines that can silence the voice of God. We pack our schedules with a nearly endless list of things to do. I recently asked a group of teenagers how many of them would like to tell their parents that they need to just stop once in a while – and every hand in the room went up. We search for significance through job promotions. We try to gain a sense of satisfaction by buying things that we don’t really need, or by bragging about how much money we have in the bank. Some of us have a Bible that we proudly display on the coffee table in our living room; and yet, we never open it. It’s sometimes hard to hear the voice of God because we never simply stop, and take time to reflect and pray. Jesus withdrew to the mountaintop many times during His life and ministry because He knew that God’s often found in silence and solitude.
One of the big benefits of isolation is that we have more time to spend in faith-building activities and in sensing our deep connections to the Divine.
Several months ago, I created something that I’m calling FaithBuilders. In my life and ministry, I’ve learned that many people are unfamiliar with even the basic stories in the Bible. I spend time with teenagers who don’t know how to find specific verses in their Bibles, and who have never heard the story of Joseph’s coat of many colors, the story of the Exodus, or even the story of Samson and Delilah. Today, more and more people have never heard many of the stories about Jesus that are in the Bible.
Spiritual leaders, even across faith traditions, agree that isolation has some benefits.
And that’s why I would like to encourage you to spend some time during these unusual days reconnecting with your faith, your God and your spirituality. And for those who are Christian, I’d like to introduce you, again, to FaithBuilders.
FaithBuilders is an easy-to-use tool that can be used by individuals who want to reflect upon their faith and revisit basic stories in the Bible, and FaithBuilders is something that parents can use with their children during these unusual times when children are not able to gather together in Sunday School classes.
We focus upon only one story in the Bible each week; and, as we’re doing that together, I provide some questions for you to think about (or even discuss with others). Some of the questions build bridges between the story you’re being asked to read and other stories in the Bible. Other questions help you to build bridges between your faith and daily living. Still other questions invite you to pray about challenges that you are facing in your own life and about some of the things that you’re seeing in other people’s lives. FaithBuilders is designed to help you to grow and to sense a deeper connection between God and daily living.
I hope that you’ll take some time to explore FaithBuilders and that you will be able to use this tool as a faith-building activity during these unusual days. As I indicated above, the spiritual leaders that I spoke with this morning agree that isolation has benefits. Why not use some time in these unusual days to revisit some of your beliefs and to become more deeply connected to faith-building activities? Perhaps, these difficult times can help you to become more aware of God’s presence and more able to hear God’s voice?
The Bible is filled with stories about God doing unusual things.
Just think about the story of Jacob’s ladder; when, in the midst of Jacob’s struggles with his brother Esau, God sent a vision of a ladder stretching up into the heavens. Imagine what the Israelites felt like when they were walking through the Red Sea after they had left the land of Egypt. The prophet Elijah once rolled up his cloak and struck the water in the Jordan River and the waters were parted. Jesus also did some incredible and very unusual things as the Son of God.
This week, I would like you to think about the story of the raising of Lazarus (John 11).
Lazarus, a man that Jesus knew, was sick and his sisters, Mary and Martha, sent for Jesus. When the messenger that Mary and Martha had sent to Jesus told Him that Lazarus was sick, Jesus responded: “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God.” (John 11:4). And then, Jesus did something very unusual. We read: “And when Jesus heard that Lazarus was sick, He stayed where He was for two more days.” (John 11:6) That seems pretty unusual. Why didn’t Jesus just go to Lazarus immediately?
Now, before we go any further, we need to get something straight.
John’s Gospel does not indicate that Lazarus had done something wrong or that God had decided to make Lazarus sick. Every time disasters strike, people tell us that God’s angry and that God has sent whatever’s happening as a punishment from above. Maybe a good-natured friend once told you that God will never give you more than you can bear in an attempt to comfort you during a particularly difficult time?
Do you really believe that the God of the entire universe has nothing better to do than make your life miserable and to see how far you can be pushed before you break?
Yes, Lazarus was sick. But, John’s Gospel never indicates that his illness was being caused by something other than something natural. Lazarus, in fact, was so sick that he even died – just like many people who have been infected by the coronavirus have died. And again, how did Jesus respond to all of this? Jesus says: “The illness of Lazarus is meant for the glory of God, so that the Son of Man may be glorified.” (John 11:4) “And when Jesus heard Lazarus was deathly ill, He stayed where He was for two more days.” (John 11:6)
And as strange as what Jesus does appears to be, there is something for us to learn here.
People who have been complaining because they need a break from their busy routines are now getting a break, aren’t they? The coronavirus has reminded all of us that we’re vulnerable, even though most of us want to believe that we’re nearly invincible. Many Christians who are worshipping online are talking about the fact that they miss being able to share Holy Communion with each other. Many good and faithful Christians are losing their jobs and are even beginning to face financial difficulties.
And we might ask ourselves: “How can God be gloried in all of this?”
The spread of the coronavirus has caused us to think about what we really believe about God. And, perhaps, as we travel through this challenging time, we can just abandon the idea that God is an angry God who strikes people down or who pushes us harder and harder every day to see what it’s going to take to break us?
The spread of the coronavirus has challenged us to think about the ways that we treat each other. Perhaps, it’s time for us to admit that we really do need each other more than we’d like to admit? Or, maybe, this unusual time can help us to become more aware of infectious diseases and how often we spread them to other people?
The spread of the coronavirus has challenged all of us to remember that we don’t have an unlimited number of days to live. Maybe, we’ll all be a little bit more aware of how we are spending – or wasting – the little bit of time that we have when this is all over? Benjamin Franklin once wrote: “Dost thou love life? Then, don’t waste time because that’s what life is made of.”
The spread of the coronavirus can help us to more fully understand how it feels to be alone. Maybe, we can all come through this unusual time with a deeper sense of what it feels like to journey through the last years of life alone – often hoping that a family member will come to visit; or, at least, make a telephone call?
The spread of the coronavirus has also given many of us more time to simply stop. Perhaps, we can use this time of social distancing to spend more time reading our Bibles and engaging in activities that God can use to build our faith? We can come through this challenging time much stronger!
The unusual times that we are experiencing will come to an end.
But, in the meantime, let’s draw upon on a great truth in the Bible: “God’s grace and strength are always sufficient, and God’s power is often revealed in times when we are feeling both weak and vulnerable.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
We can learn many lessons about life and faith in these challenging times. We are being held safely in the hands of the God who loves us. And Jesus – the Son of God – has shown us that God’s in control of absolutely everything and that our God even has the power to raise those who have died to Eternal life.
And if we can just continue to travel through these uncertain days with that message in our hearts and minds, God will be gloried in the craziness of the coronavirus pandemic.
May God be with you, my friends. May God’s peace fill your hearts, and may you always remember that God will give you the strength and faith you need each day as we travel through these uncertain times together.
Martin Luther once said that, next to the Word of God, the devil dislikes music more than anything else in the world. Music can calm our hearts and lift our spirits. Music can help to restore a sense of peace in our lives and quiet our racing thoughts. Sometimes, I like to simply stop at the end of the day and listen to calming music before I go to bed.
We are traveling through a very unusual and stressful time right now. And, in response to that, I’ve added a new menu option to my blog entitled Calming Music. I’ve enjoyed playing the piano for many years and have even written some music and hymns of my own. I, also, enjoy creating new arrangements of familiar songs and hymns. I am offering these original recordings of familiar hymns and other songs for you to enjoy hoping that they can bring you moments of calm and peace in the midst of this storm. Please feel free to share them with other people that you know.
One of the songs I have included in this collection is an original composition entitled, “Through the Years.” I wrote this song while journeying through life with a very dear friend who was dying. I recently added an oboe part to the score. I have, also, added some other instrumentation to some of the songs that I have included in this short collection to add some variety to your listening experience.
I hope that you will enjoy listening to these songs that I’ve played and that they will bring you a sense of calm and peace during these unusual and challenging times.
I think that we’d all admit that the last few weeks have been unusual.
I’m sure that you’ve been watching the news and that you’ve been trying to figure-out what all of this means. Maybe you’ve been stockpiling supplies? Maybe the fact that some of the shelves in grocery stores are empty is making you nervous? Many churches are trying to live-stream worship services for the first time in order to help people stay connected to each other in these unusual times.
And the big question is: “Why do people in the Church need to stay connected?”
Do you realize that God saw something wrong with the Creation long before Adam and Eve ever took a bite of the forbidden fruit? The book of Genesis tells us that God made the sun and the moon, the trees and vegetation, the stars in the sky, and even animals and human beings. We learn, in the book of Genesis, that God saw that the Creation was “very good” and that God was very happy. And then, God noticed something wrong….
“And then, the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone.” (Genesis 2:18)
The worldwide response to the coronavirus has created a deep sense of isolation in our lives. Children are not able to go to school and many people are working at home. We see people very wisely staying at a safe distance any time we leave our homes, and some of our governors have ordered a complete lock-down. And, at least for me, it’s all been very overwhelming. Almost every part of my life has been uprooted, and I can’t do many of the things that I’ve taken for granted all of my life. And I’m sure that you’re feeling the very same way as you continue to weather this storm at home, too.
Many years before St. Paul was even born, the Jewish community was looking forward to the coming of the Son of Man.
The Son of Man was described as God’s ultimate warrior who would come into the world to set everything straight. The Son of Man was supposed to come into the world to drive back the forces of evil and everything that defies God, and the Son of Man was to be the ultimate judge of the living and of the dead. And that’s the background that we need to bring with us when we read: Romans 8:31-39.
St. Paul writes: “I am certain that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all of Creation will be able to separate us….”
And why is that?
If the Son of Man (Jesus) came into the world as God’s ultimate warrior to drive back the forces of evil and everything that defies God…. If the Son of Man (Jesus) came into the world to set things straight and to restore the Creation…. Wouldn’t it make sense to say that since God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18); and that, since the life and ministry of Jesus – the Son of Man – was meant to destroy what God says isn’t good, Jesus came into the world to conquer the types of isolation we’re feeling right now?
Jesus – the Son of Man – came into the world to destroy isolation.
Churches are continuing to have online worship services and Bible studies because that’s what Jesus-people do. Jesus-people understand that the community of the Church is a place where relationships are important and where life-long connections are made. We travel through good and bad together. We try to remain connected to each other even when it isn’t easy. Jesus-people understand that they can fight against loneliness and isolation by remaining in contact with each other through telephone calls and electronic connections, snail mail and even by having children color pictures and send their own masterpieces to people who are feeling isolated and alone.
It’s sometimes hard to maintain relationships, but that what Jesus-people do.
And this week, I’d like to encourage you to think about that. Jesus – the Son of Man – came into the world to destroy isolation. And one of the best ways that Jesus-people can be a part of the ongoing work of Jesus in the world today is to strive to remain connected and in contact with others – even during a time when the coronavirus has driven us all back into the isolation of our own homes.
And, with that in mind, think about these things:
Do you know someone who is homebound (or who lives alone)? If so, please give that person a telephone call this week to remind that person that he/she is important.
Are your kids looking for something to do? If so, why not have them color some pictures and send them to other people who need some love right now, or have them draw some pictures on a sidewalk where they’ll bring a smile to people’s faces when they’re taking a walk to get some fresh air?
If you’re not connected to the ministry of a specific congregation right now, maybe this is a good time to learn more about what some local churches are doing and about what you can do to be a part of what’s happening.
In times like these, we need to remember that: “neither life nor death, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all of Creation – including the coronavirus – can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.” And perhaps, with that in mind, we can all find ways to move through these challenging times together with strength and courage and faith.