Naming Our Anger

We are traveling through an uncomfortable time right now.

We are in the ninth month of our struggle to make sense of the coronavirus and we are both weary and frazzled. 2020 has been punctuated by groups of people who are protesting in our streets and who are even protesting around State capital buildings and entering the legislative chambers with guns. 2020’s election cycle was a difficult one that separated friends and even family members into enemy camps. Many people have lost their jobs and are facing the possibility of losing their homes. Restaurant and other business owners are watching their hopes and dreams evaporate before their eyes. Major issues like racism and immigration, that have not been addressed in helpful ways for many years, are on the table and need to be discussed as we enter 2021. And now, we are being told that we should set aside our plans to celebrate the Holidays and continue to wear masks in public places.

Many people are angry these days. We hear frightening stories about people being thrown to the ground and having limbs broken because they asked another person to wear a mask. I hear automobile horns blowing every time I fail to stomp on the accelerator as soon as the traffic light turns green. I watched a bus driver blow the horn of the bus, pound on the steering wheel and scream at the driver of a hearse who would not allow the bus to enter a funeral procession last week. People are giving each other “the finger.” Little disagreements are turning into relationship-changing arguments. We have stopped even trying to interpret the actions of other people in the best possible way as we are told to do in the Ten Commandments. Many of us are angry, but the challenge I see is that many of us are walking around stomping-mad these days unable to even identify what is really making us mad.

The Bible teaches us that naming things is important.

Most parents talk for many months about what they are going to name their baby when it is born. Think about what happens when somebody in a group calls out your name. Do you turn to see who is trying to get your attention? The name of God was lost in the Jewish tradition because God’s name was never spoken because the Jewish leaders believed that, when you named something, you were able to capture its very nature and its essence. The writers of the Bible named gods like Baal and Beelzebub, but we don’t know how to properly pronounce God’s name in modern times; because, for thousands of years, the Jewish leaders simply said or sang, “G-d” or “the Lord” when they came to the name of God while reading scripture.

Why is unnamed anger dangerous?

We, sometimes, do unusual things when we don’t take the time to clearly identify things that are making us angry. Think about a person who is frustrated at work coming home and kicking the dog. Think about a person who becomes unemployed because of an unseen virus suddenly becoming their own worst critic. Think about someone who cannot pay the bills and make ends meet no matter how many hours he/she works honking his/her automobile’s horn the instant a traffic light turns green. Have you been drinking more alcohol in the last few months? Have you ended relationships with other people because of arguments that got out of control? Have you become more critical of other people and allowed little things to become bigger than they need to be? Do you find yourself talking about other people behind their backs? Have you been screaming at people and even pounding on the steering wheel inside your vehicle? How many people have you “unfriended” because you disagree with what they post on social media? Are the muscles in your neck and shoulders tight? Are you having trouble sleeping because you cannot stop thinking? Our unnamed anger reveals itself in different ways; and, when we do not understand that, we sometimes find ourselves doing things that we cannot rationally explain.

How can naming our anger give us power over it?

Imagine how your life could change if you simply stopped and realized that you are angry because of continuing struggles at work and that your anger has absolutely nothing to do with the little dog, with a wagging tail, that jumps on you because it’s excited to see you. Imagine how your life could be different if you admitted that you are angry because you can’t make ends meet, no matter how many hours you spend at work, instead of honking the horn on your automobile at someone that you don’t even know. Imagine how your life would improve if, instead of allowing little things to become big things that can destroy relationships with other people, you admitted that you are angry because your life is being changed by a virus that you can’t even see? Are you angry because you are being asked to wear a mask in public, or are you angry about something else? Are you pounding on the steering wheel of your car because you are angry at an elderly person who crosses the street too slowly, or is something else lighting your fire? I believe that one of the most important things we can do, right now, is simply stop and identify what is making us angry and frustrated; because, until we take the time to stop and do that, we will continue to vent and release our wrath upon people who have little to do with what is driving the anger and frustration that’s inside of us.

It is, also, helpful to listen to other people when they name their anger, too.

We need to listen to others in challenging times; because, when we allow others to name their anger, we can understand their actions and behavior in a different way. We need to listen to people who are naming their anger when they speak, and who are expressing their anger when they protest after a routine traffic stop turns into an unnecessary, deadly encounter because people have different skin colors. We need to listen to people who are finding it increasingly difficult to simply survive and who are afraid that our country is moving in a direction that could make their lives even more difficult. We need to listen to the anger that people are expressing because they have lost their jobs and because they are afraid that they are going to lose everything that they have saved – including their homes. We need to listen to the anger of people who are financially struggling, today, because they cannot afford to live and pay off their student loans at the same time. We need to listen to people who are angry because they need to choose between buying medicines that they need, and food or fuel to heat their homes. We need to listen to people who are angry because they’re afraid that they will be driven into bankruptcy if they get sick and need to go to a hospital – because they do not have health insurance. We need to listen to people who are angry because they can’t wear a mask in public because of health challenges and who are frustrated because people continue to criticize their behavior because it has become nearly impossible to separate people who are not wearing masks because of health challenges from people who refuse to wear a mask for other reasons.

I want to challenge you to take some time to identify and to name your anger as we travel through these challenging times and as we try to better understand why we are doing what we are doing.

We have power over things that are happening in our lives when we name them. We are far less likely to direct unnamed anger at other people when we take time to think about the things that are driving our anger and that are influencing the ways that we act. Unnamed anger can be a destructive menace in our lives that can turn us into stirred-up bulls thrashing around in a china shop. Unnamed anger is not good for our families and our relationships. Unnamed anger is not good for our country, for our churches, or for our world. But, when we name our anger, we can gain control of it, and understand ourselves and other people in new ways. And, when we find ourselves doing that, we will discover that we are traveling on a helpful and healthy path into the future.

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