When Someone Dies

Funeral Pic

It’s always difficult to face the death of people that we’ve loved.

God brings special people into our lives because God knows that it’s not good for us to travel through life alone (Genesis 2:18). We share our lives with a wide variety of other people: parents and grandparents, perhaps siblings and a spouse, teachers and friends, perhaps a pastor or someone at the place where we worship. And our lives are enriched by relationships, and we even learn about life from other people.

But, sooner or later, we need to say, “Goodbye.”

Death can come suddenly, or it can come after a long illness. We, sometimes, see people trying to make everything “right” with their friends and family members before they die; but, sometimes, people die leaving unresolved conflicts and people who have been hurt and alienated behind. But, no matter what the circumstances, death is always hard and one of the things we often do is wrap people in thick layers of sentimentality that leaves us believing (or wanting to believe) that they were more perfect than they really were.

I’ve heard people say things like, “Nobody could ever bake an apple pie like Grandma did,” but people don’t want to talk about the fact that Grandma’s coffee almost always tasted burnt. We want to remember “Mom” as a lady who did wonderful things for other people, but we don’t like to talk about the fact that Mom loved to argue with others so much that, when nobody else was around, she’s stand in front of a mirror and argue with herself.

In Psalm 149, the writer speaks about something called a “two-edged sword.” Two-edged swords are forged to pierce armor. Two-edged swords are forged to puncture and pierce through something that is wrapped around people in order to protect them. And, I think that’s a helpful image to remember when we honor and memorialize those that we have loved who have died on a day like All Saints Day.

We, sometimes, wrap people in a thick layer of sentimentality when they die. When we are remembering those who have died, we might want to remember them as people who were somehow bigger than they actually were. And that can leave us thinking that we are somehow “less.” The thick armor of sentimentality that we wrap around people who have died can cause us to forget that their lives were a mixture of both bad and good, great strengths and character flaws just like our lives are marked with those very same things today.

But, what would happen if we allowed a “two-edged sword” to pierce through the thick layer of sentimentality that we wrap around those who have died?

Perhaps, we could more authentically celebrate the goodness in the lives of people who have died while remembering that they were no more perfect than we are. Perhaps, we could more clearly see that, in every Age, God’s people have displayed a rather odd mixture of both good and bad – a bold reminder that we all live our lives as saints and sinners at the same time. Perhaps, we could more honestly admit that people who have died had a few quirks and flaws; and, yet, God worked in their lives anyways. And, in that realization, we could begin to more easily understand that God is working in our lives to do good things – even though we sometimes live our lives as our own worst critic.

God has done wonderful things in the lives of those who have gone before us who now rest in the arms of the God who has promised us the gift of Eternity. And yet, if we allow the “two-edged sword” of God’s Word to pierce the “armor of sentimentality” that we all too often wrap around those who have died, we can see them in a much more authentic way. And, when we do that, we’ll find it easier to understand that those who have died were not any more qualified to have God work in their lives than we are.

And that’s a word of Good News, isn’t it?

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5 thoughts on “When Someone Dies

  1. Best funeral eulogies have included quirks and imperfections…I did a funeral for an alcoholic father and received permission from the family to talk directly about his alcoholism and it was authentic and brought greater healing. Rev. Kenn Storck – Rockford, IL

    • Thank you for sharing that important perspective. I have found that it’s usually helpful to gently name the “elephant in the room” when permitted to do so by the family. And you are right…. When that can be done, healing can begin on a very different level.

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